You know it's a dive when: Driving past, as I have done almost every day for three years, this place looks like a dive. The wooden, painted-on sign with mountains, and an almost 80-year history made me think inside would match, with old dudes who'd look at me as if to imply I should find my way out, pronto. I was so, so wrong. As soon as I stepped foot in the bar, I saw people I knew. The bartender, clad in a Beatles hoodie, was like a cool uncle. Laid back, friendly and attentive.
Relics of a dive bar: The most recent addition to the Alpine Tap looks like a flag from the 1999 U.S. Senior Open, which I guess was more than 10 years ago. Alpine is cash-only and the Rolling Stones and Beatles posters and non-digital jukebox (rumored to be among the best in town) point to an attitude that perhaps life was better in an era before cell phones. Also, "Wheel of Fortune" and the Discovery Channel trump ESPN on the TVs, at least for a while. It's really more of a "hole in the wall" than a dive, I guess. There's a pool table and a "Simpsons" pinball machine that looks totally sweet.
What we ordered: The bar's signature drink is an Alpine Cooler, which turned out to be a recipe for debauchery: Long Island iced tea mix with pineapple juice and grenadine. Delish.
Local flavor: The woman hanging out with one of the people I knew said her lore for the Alpine Cooler is that it's really fingernail polish mixed with grenadine. Fingernail polish doesn't taste nearly as awesome as an Alpine Cooler, so I took it as a warning to only drink one. They pack a punch. I also got an earful about how the Alpine serves Pasquale's pizza.
Best deals: I got a thirsty Thursday deal, which is 50 cents off all drinks all day. The same special runs from 2-6 p.m. daily for happy hour.
You'll be back for: The atmosphere - it's a small, friendly place - and the guarantee you won't have to suffer through anyone's crap choices on the jukebox, because there's no Black Eyed Peas.
Alpine Tap Room
Info: 2720 Ingersoll Ave., 245-9717
Hours: 2 p.m.-2 a.m. daily
Your dive bar challenge: See how many friends you can squish onto the black tufted sectional at the front of the bar, then buy a round of Alpine coolers for the bunch.
