Local actor brings the Sedaris snark
Getting tickets to a Des Moines Buccaneers hockey game can sometimes be a challenge, especially when it’s Buc Beer Nite. And once the game is over, the Ridgemont bar across the street from Buccaneer arena quickly fills with fans.
9:12 p.m. We hear the game should be over about 9:30 p.m., so we stop by early to be sure we get a seat. There are two tables open, and two seats at the bar. After finding out one of the bar stools is spoken for, we take the last table. Now it’s just standing room.
9:31 p.m. The DJ gets on his mic to announce there are $1 beers, and to have a good time. (The Ridgemont offers $1 cans of Miller Lite, Coors Light, PBR and Bud Light after every Bucs game until midnight, even if it isn’t Buc Beer Nite.) The DJ follows up his announcement by playing “Push It” by Salt-N-Pepa. Two women behind me squeal, and start talking about how much they loved this song in high school.
9:33 p.m. A mom in a lovely lavender argyle sweater brings her fists up to her chest, makes an outward pumping motion, and lip-synchs “push it real good.” Her college-age son shakes his head “no.”
9: 40 p.m. The music continues to get louder. Although people of all ages and walks of life are in the bar, the DJ seems to be discouraging talking — dancing only!
9:41 p.m. “I’m Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO seems to grant his wish, and nearly every table starts singing, fist pumping and dancing in some way.
9:43 p.m. It’s officially crowded. If you need to pee, get a beer or dance, you have to squeeze through 15 strangers and wait in a line to do it. Plan accordingly.
9:49 p.m. A man who looks to be in his 50s stumbles toward the bar with eight empty shot glasses. Then, while probably looking for the bathroom, pushes open a closet door with a sign that reads, “The Ridgemont: 276-0129, Cab: 282-8111, Jenny: 867-5309.” He shuffles out and points to the real bathroom, with a sign on the door that reads, “Men.”
9:57 p.m. The Lumberyard comes to The Ridgemont. A girl, who has been slowly grinding on a dude at the bar for a few songs, has worked her way in front of him and between his legs, rubbing his chest and grinding up and down in front of his, uh, zipper.
10:06 p.m. A guy who is on his way back from the bar to his table asks if he can set his beer on our table for a minute. That’s fine with us, so he sets his 24-ounce Busch Light can down, pulls his chew out of his back pocket, and puts a dip in before continuing on.
10:11 p.m. The “stripper” is garnering a lot of attention. After “dancing” with a female friend near the DJ (there is no actual dance floor at The Ridgemont) by squatting in front of her, sliding her hands inside the front of her jeans and putting her head underneath her shirt, she comes back to her man friend at the bar to continue his lap dance. This time, she faces away from him, stretches her hand behind his head and grinds up and down the front of his body.
10:25 p.m.: The DJ plays “Red Solo Cup” by Toby Keith. Most of the bar starts singing, some groups looping arms over each others’ shoulders to form a line to sway in while belting out the words. We decide we have endured the music long enough, and call it a night. The “stripper” isn’t deterred by the silly song, however, and we leave with a visual of unabashed PDA.
The Ridgemont
Where: 7460 Hickman Road, Windsor Heights
Info: 276-0129
