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Halloween costume: Cy-Hawk Trophy
Cy-Hawk Trophy: The short-lived Cy-Hawk Trophy
We have nothing, and we mean NOTHING, against farmers and farming and the rich agricultural history that make this state proud to be the home of a refrigerated cow made of butter. But like everyone who didn’t work for the Iowa Corn Growers Association, we saw the annual Cyclone-Hawkeye football trophy (can you call it that?) unveiled at the Iowa State Fair and immediately wondered why the winner of the game would be getting a Precious Moments statue.
Because nothing said “well-fought game on the gridiron, fellas” better than a farm family (white people! two kids! ball caps!) huddled around a basket of corn. Never you mind that an overwhelming majority of Iowans work in non-farm related fields. National sports media mocked us, hard. And rightfully so.
Thankfully, sanity (eventually) prevailed. And after everyone from former players to Hayden Fry to Gov. Terry Branstad publicly declared their bewilderment, the Iowa Corn Growers’ Association, sponsors of the trophy, decided to destroy the trophy by smashing it with a Louisville Slugger into thousands of tiny pieces. (Or at least we hope that’s how it went down.)
All you need to pull this off is three adults — two guys, preferably one short enough to pull off kid-with-hands-in-Wranglers — and one child. Sure, you can paint a real baby (creep!), but we opted for a fake one. (Walmart sells dolls for less than $15.) Cans of spray paint run $4-$5 a pop, so just choose your best farmer outfit and paint it silver. Then paint your face and skin, and be ready to pose around a basket of corn, all night. Because everyone will want photos. — Tim Paluch
