Burger wars: Garbage Burger

Garbage Burger
Eat It: Garbage Burger, $6.50 (quarter-pound) or $7.75 (half-pound), Hickory Park, Ames
Info: (515) 232-8940, hickorypark-bbq.com
The Ames dining mecca specializes in barbecue and hickory-smoked (of course) meats, but two features of the joint scream utter manliness: (1) the giant movie poster for the classic 1950 Western “Winchester ’73” starring Jimmy Stewart hanging above the dining room entrance, and (2) the almighty Garbage Burger.

If you can’t decide whether to spread your three square meals throughout the day or just cram them into one sitting, this is the slab of meat for you, cowboy. Craving a ham and cheese sandwich? Mushroom and swiss burger? Forgot to order a side of bacon for breakfast? The sheer litany of Garbage Burger toppings covers all the bases: Swiss and American cheeses, onion, green pepper, mushrooms, sauerkraut (seriously), ham and bacon on a beef or pork patty with the additional choice of white, wheat or onion bun. The three dainty pickles served on the plate next to the burger almost seem to cower in its massive shadow. Sure, you can order fries with the thing, but on a recent visit I opted for cinnamon applesauce to ensure I could stagger out of the restaurant under my own power.

Even staunch carnivores with cast-iron stomachs might find that the Garbage Burger lives up to its name when it comes to digestion; expect to broadcast the churn and rumble of a sink disposal or garbage compactor from your abdomen for an hour or two after eating. Such sound effects will only enhance your aura of manliness.

Now go select “Winchester ’73” for your Netflix queue.