Anyone could enjoy a meal at these restaurants, but each has a certain quality that makes them perfect for guys. We sought out five of the manliest dining spots in Des Moines. Sure, you could get a salad at most of these places, but what would be the point of that? Indulge on our suggestions instead.
Hessen Haus, 101 Fourth St.
What you're ordering: Start off your meal with the wild game quesadilla, which mixes pheasant, wild boar and duck with more traditional quesadilla fillings. Move on to the SchweinsHaxe, a large pork shank served with sauerkraut, potatoes and German potato salad. The foods are tough to pronounce, but you could always just point at the menu and say "Me want that!"
Why it's manly: Hessen Haus serves snuff (smokeless tobacco) with a catapult and beer in boots. We couldn't make up manlier food/tobacco delivery systems. Animal heads on the wall and big wooden tables for congregating around make it seem like a drinking song could break out at any moment. This place is so manly you might grow a beard before closing time.
801 Steak & Chop, 801 Grand Ave.
What you're ordering: Start with the Oysters Rockefeller (wearing a monocle is optional) to whet your appetite before your Iowa double-bone pork chop arrives. 801 even made State Fair food seem classy with the lobster corn dog appetizers.
Why it's manly: 801 is the kind of place you would see Wall Street types celebrating a good day on the stock exchange (or drowning out a bad one). It's got classic charm, but doesn't feel dated. Enjoy a 38-year Glenmorangie Scotch after dinner and get a $75 Gurkha cigar to take home. Heck, make it two.
The Machine Shed, 11151 Hickman Road, Urbandale
What you're ordering: Start with some dairy fresh white "Sheddar" melts (translation: deep-fried cheese). Move on to the plowman's meatloaf, served with mashed potatoes, beef gravy and topped with, wait for it ... onion rings. Or you can get a steak dinner with bacon-wrapped medallions for less than $15. It will warm you heart (other palpitations may occur).
Why it's manly: Because any place where formal dining means "wear overalls" is OK by us.
B&B Grocery, 2001 S.E. Sixth St.
What you're ordering: The Dad's Killer sandwich (pictured below) consists of roast beef, turkey, ham, corned beef, pepper cheese, swiss cheese, American cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, mustard, Miracle Whip and Italian dressing on a hoagie. Hopefully the name isn't due to it killing someone's dad, because that sounds possible. If you're feeling lucky, punk, take on the Quadzilla, a four-patty burger on a grilled bun for only $6.79.
Why it's manly: B&B is a butcher shop. This isn't some showy theme restaurant - guys in bloody aprons were chopping up your food a few hours ago. There's something infinitely more satisfying about eating meat you know came into the building still a part of a much larger animal.
Iowa Beef Steakhouse, 1201 E. Euclid Ave.
What you're ordering: Enjoy a fresh shrimp cocktail before moving on to a 28-ounce T-bone. That's almost a pound and a half of meat. But it's not just the meat that makes it manly. Let's discuss how it's cooked.
Why it's manly: Every guy knows exactly how they like their steak cooked, which comes in handy at Iowa Beef Steakhouse, since you can char that flesh yourself. You know that pride when you invite your buddies over for a steak off the grill? Imagine how impressed they'll be that you're doing it in a restaurant AND paying for the privilege.